I feel very impressed to share with you what I learned at a recent RS Activity. IT WAS MARVELOUS! I feel confident and "armored" with what I need to do now in our home to guard my children and prepare them against pornography.
The speaker was PHENOMENAL! She was forward, knowledgeable and understanding. Her husband had been suffering from a pornography addiction from a very young age, he cleaned up, served an honorable 2 year mission, and thought that was the end of it, he got home and fell back in. He fell in love with his wife and they were sealed in the temple. He fell back in and she didn't find out until 1 1/2 years in their marriage that he had this struggle and addiction. She made it VERY clear, that pornography addiction happens to TRULY GOOD people.
In the world today we no longer have the luxury option "IF" my children ever see pornographic images. Today it is only 1 option, WHEN and will they be prepared and know what to do when that situation arises.
A lady spoke up and said, that her daughter had an issue with that in school, a young boy brought a phone to school and was showing pictures on his phone on the play ground. The little girl was in 2nd grade. Our world is only going to get worse. We need to ARM our children with the tools they need and have the confidence to understand WHY those things are bad and harmful to us.
A BIG discussion to have with our children is WHY they are bad.
Q: Pornographic pictures are everywhere, so why are they so bad?
A:They give us false impressions of how relationships are, how we should look and act in marriage. Sex is an amazing thing, but there is an appropriate time and place for such a sacred act.
Pornography has changed the way people view sex. Sex is a wonderful, thing, we can't teach our children that sex is bad. Another lady pipped up and said her cousin was always taught that sex was bad, she was married in the temple and even now, after years of marriage, still has trouble getting intimate with her husband. She was taught at a young age that sex is BAD and to never talk about it. After years of marriage and counseling she still can't get that out of her mind that it is BAD. I DON'T wish that on anyone!
The speaker then talked about filtering our computers, and filtering our WIFI. THIS IS A NEED! ASAP!
My favorite quote of the night was, "Our goal as parents needs to not be one big "The Talk" but many, small, safe, ongoing discussions."
My parents never gave me "The Talk," and I never felt like I was close enough to them to take my awkward questions to them. We need to be open with our children. It's NEVER too late to talk about sex and the proper boundaries!
She talked about teaching your kids DO NOT GOOGLE QUESTIONS! Google is an amazing tool that can help put so much information at our finger tips. But it also leads to terrible things. Google doesn't ask you if you are a certain age to view inappropriate images, google doesn't have moral standards, it just lets you have it! We need our children to come to US! WE as parents are the ones who need to be comfortable and KNOWLEDGEABLE to understand what is going on in the lives of our children. We need to know what the "new" inappropriate things are so we can talk to our children about them and help them understand WHY they are wrong. She mentioned a few things I had NO idea were going on. 'Sex-ting" is a new one, with naughty pictures and new abbreviated words that mean certain things, like how LOL mean Laugh Out Loud, well there are now dirty "moves" made into akranims now that people text each other.
There are plenty more that I'm not aware of, but I need to be, for when that time arrives when my children are exposed to that, I can be prepared.
She brought up something interesting that can bring good discussions. On TV or out in public you see people wearing practically nothing and everyone gets a little uncomfortable, they look away and no one says anything. IT IS CRUCIAL to use those times as teaching times. "Do you see that young women dressed like that? I wonder why she feels she needs that attention? I hope everything is alright at home."
Once we understand and make those people REAL PEOPLE, not just an image or figure in our mind, they become children of God.
Another thing is, seeing a commercial on TV, that everyone gets uncomfortable with, you say, I get a "funny/different" feeling when I see "practically nude" people on TV. That's human nature, EVERYONE DOES! Let your kids know that everyone gets those awkward feelings- its human nature to see bodies and react to them.
Another great thing she discussed, is that as parents we need to be non judgmental. Don't get mad at your children if they have seen this or struggle with this addiction. They need your help! They already feel horrible for doing it as it is. Don't be angry at your children- Be angry at the pornography.
She said statistically speaking, a child's first introduction is age 8. It's amazing that at the age of baptism and agency, Satan begins his temptations. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, but its NEVER to late to talk to our families about pornography.
Create that open line of communication with your kids, and their questions, how crazy or earth shattering they may be!
The speaker also said, if your child comes home and asks you a crazy sexual question, always ask, where did you hear that? What do you think it means?" one of her friends had her little girl come home and say, "Mom, whats a testicle?" The mom said,"well what did you hear it meant?" The little girl said, "I think like an octopus leg or something?" HA HA HA!
By asking that simple question she saved herself from A TOTALLY different conversation.
Also, if they come home with a REAL question, you can say, "That's a good question, lets discuss it after dinner." THIS GIVES YOU TIME TO GO INTO YOUR ROOM, scream into a pillow, and control yourself so you can also think of the right thing to say later.
I'm sure I will use that many times. It's important to keep that poker face so our children don't think we are shaken by such crude things. On the inside we might want to scream, but we need to compose ourselves and explain the TRUE meaning of things and WHY some things are bad.
This conference was a wonderful experience for me, and it gave me confidence that we can overcome situations that I know will arise. I know it's only going to get worse, but now I feel I have strong tools so my husband and I need can prepare and help our children be armed when situations arise.
One of my favorite quotes I had in my room growing up is;
"It's easier to prepare and prevent,
Than it is to repair and repent."
May we PREPARE and PREVENT our families and if needed REPAIR and REPENT.
